The Chronicles of Gnomechildclan
by putridporridge
Summary: Dankkit and Litkit are just like any other kits. But they have been born into a world of memes and idiocy. This is their story. (Contains consistent bad language and dank memes)
1. The Dankening

**ayy guyz, if this seem irritatingly familiar, sorry. an noob. anywayy this is a pile of garbage i pulled out of my ass one day and then made more of, so yey. Ingredients: 50% idiocy, 49% dank, 1% memes. and no im not gonna remove the swearing, so shhhhhh** ** _presses chicken sandwich to lips._** **so here we gooo!**

''NUUUUUUU''  
''OMFG THE KITS ARE COMING! PUSH HARD, BUT NOT TOO HARD''  
''U WHAT M8?!''  
suddenly a little slimey package thing flew out of fartflowers v****a, going straight out the nursery.  
''OMFG GAYSTIRP GOT HIT IN THE HEAD'' came a voice from outside  
''IS HE OKAY''  
''HE'S DEAD''  
''FUCK''  
''IS MAI LITTLE BUNDLE OF JOY ALIVE?!/1/1/!?/'' meowed fartflower nerviously.  
''YES''  
senpaiface brought the mewling, slimey peice of shit back into the nursery.  
''YEY HE'S SO LIT IMA CALL HIM LITKIT''  
''THERE'S ANOTHER 1 COMIN!''  
in desperation to get the painfull kitting over with, fartflower pushed as hard as she could. the natural concesquence was the little kit flew out of the nursery, just like litkit. but this time as there wus no dunderheaded tool to block her/his flight, the little kit flew straight into orbit.  
''LAST ONE AND FOR FUCKS SAKE DONT MAKE IT FLY OUT OF YOU BY PUSHING TOO HARD AND GO INTO SPACE.''  
''OKAY''  
she pushed delicatly, the bundle of fur almost out.  
''YO WHASSUP HOWS MY BAE DOIN?'' yowled dabfur as he butted in.  
fartflower jumped, and accidently sucked the kit back in.  
''WTF JUST HAPPENED'' yowled senpaiface. ''WHATEVER IDC JUST PUSH FFS''  
''WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?'' he yowled again  
''YOU FUCKING DID IT AGAIN OMFG''  
''WHAT IS HAPPENING'' he yowled.  
''ARRRRGH''  
finally, after four days, fartflower finally managed to get little dankkit out.

later dat day...

''so hows bean a mum worked out for you?'' meowed pokemongodawn  
''rough start. dankkit thought my butt was a teat.''  
''shit''  
''she nearly died''  
''i can imagine''  
''She would've been fine, but i farted.''  
''HOW IS SHE ALIVE''  
''no one knows. senpaiface says it's because she was blown clear before the fumes could do too much damage.''  
''at this point im beginning to wonder whether life has been on loan to an 8 year old recently.''  
''mm hmm.''  
suddenly keemstar, the leader of gnomechildclan, said  
''let all cats old enough to dab come to the really high thing for a clan meeting.''  
''todai ima make a new apprentices. dankkit, come here rn.''  
dankkit walked over.  
''but i was born like today''  
''shut up. from dis day forwid, you shall be known as dankpaw. your mentor will be turdface.''  
turdface waddled over. no one knew why turdface was a warrior in the clan, what with him being a penguin and all, but he was very wise and beaky, and was quite good at fishing.  
dankkit touched his beak with her nose, and then litkit was given 420weed as a mentor.

a bit later...

''wut r we gonna be doing today 420weed?''  
''were gonna be lernin how to hunt.''  
'okau''  
''okay weer gonna have to start super easy and slowly so what i want yu dto do is know how to hunt.''  
''I DID IT.''  
''good boi.''

meanwhile, where dankpaw and turdface were training, things were different.  
''yo turdface what do yu want me to do like''  
''*penguin noises*''  
''you what m8''  
''*angry penguin noises*''  
''OMFG WHY DO I HAVE A PENGUIN FOR A MENTOR''  
''*FURIOUS PENGUIN NOISES*''  
''IM LEAVING.''

back at the camp...  
''KEEMSTAR I WANT A NEW MENTOR RN''  
''y''  
''coz he's a penguin''  
''lol and?''

the end (for now)

 **if you guys be wantin more, i have a written sequel-ular substance already on the laptop. all flames will be used to cook your family.**


	2. Microwave fetish

****Author's note****  
 **Ayy guys, sorry about that first chapter. Bit of a clickbait, lol. Anyway, now I've got your attention, I will now be writing a love story, exploring every area of the magical emotion. There will be sadness, tragedy and anger. It will be my magnum opus.**  
 **Naaaa, I'm just kidding, here's a penguin:**

''mee-'' the crashing noise of a frying pan against a beak interrupted turdface's greeting.  
''SHUT UP''  
''meep :(''

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

one day Dankpaw was walking about, as you do, when suddenly a whole microwaveclan patrol leapt out of the bushes screaming  
''ATAK''.  
''NYEEEEEH''  
''lul''  
''why r u microwave fetishists here?'' meowed dankpaw  
''we want our fridge back :(''  
the fridge in question was a smeg, bright green. gnomechildclan  
stole it from microwaveclan in a great war, many moons ago. it was microwaveclans oldest treasure, from back in the ancient days, when they were fridge fetishists.  
''ehh fuck yu its our fridge now.''  
''VIOLENCE IS THE ONLY ANSWER! ATAK''  
''ehh screw yu guys gtfo''  
''OR WHAT''  
''uh... ill have get back to you on that''  
''sorry guys, the steaks are too high. WE'LL GET OUR LOVELY FRIDGE BACK ONE DAY, JUST YOU WAIT.''  
''we'll c. now get off my territory before i do... um.. something''  
''RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!''  
the microwaveclan patrol ran off. dankpaw sighed with satisfaction, and continued walking about.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

litpaw was bored. very bored. life was so boring in gnomechildclan. there was the smeg fridge to [CENSORED, FOR THE CHILDREN. I DON'T WANNA GET SUED], but that was for the kits, really. he sighed. how about going to see how senpaiface was doing?  
''YO SENPAIFACE''  
litpaw stuck his hideous face into the den.  
''AYLO''  
''HI THER- OMG IT'S HIDEOUS OAERIHGAEPORRIDGERGIRAEIGHOOGIHAR''  
senpaiface flopped to the floor, his body twitching in a twisted, unnatural fashion.  
''FIIIINE ILL LEEEEAVE'' sighed litpaw irritably.  
''EVERYONE'S SO RUDE THESE DAYS''  
420weed padded up behind him  
''well hello u wanna do fighing practice?''  
''yeh ok''  
he and 420weed waffled over the training clearing.  
''okay yu now attack me''  
the twin barrels of a sawn-off shotgun were promptly pointed at his face.  
''nonono not like that you has to atik me wiv ur paws and teeth and shit.''  
litpaw bitch-slapped him, and then kicked his face.  
''ow''  
''is dat right''  
''i guess. now ima show u a really advanced move''  
420weed picked up a unicycle, and whacked litpaw's face with it.  
''OMFG HOW YU DO DAT SAUCERY'' litpaw yowled in amazment, his cross-eyed face gurning with concussedness.  
''like dis''  
420weed whacked litpaw with the unicycle again.  
''UTHGAGAGAGBNTHPORRIDGESPLLLPLPLPTH'' rasped litpaw, now on the ground in a pool of blood.  
''shall we call it a day?''  
''ATHGGGDFTHPSPSPSPQUAKERSGOATSGHTPSPSPSP''  
''i thought so.''  
and then 420weed grabbed litpaws paw and dragged him along, leaving a trail of blood and brain matter.  
the end. (for now)

 **PLS GIMME REVIEWS. EVEN ''ew fetishes are weird r3poting'' COUNT. PLEASE, IM LONELY**


	3. Tumblr cliches

**Hi. I'm back. and i used grammar for a whole two sentences wowie. pls no anti swear flames, they will be used to cook ur families if you do. anyvey onto the stupidest fanfic ever.**

''FROM DIS DAY FORWID, YOU WILL BE CALLED DANKTAIL''  
''yey''  
The newly named Danktail, standing next to her brother Litfur, was cheered by her clanmates. She basked in their admiration, in an 'I will lead you 1 day, and you will BOW BEFORE MY EPICNESS' kind of way.  
''anyvey now yu be warriors now u gotta sit in the middle of the camp all night because that makes sense.''  
''mk'' said Litfur  
''bai''  
Keemstar waffled away.  
''okai we gotta be doin' our vigil rn''  
suddenly a chihauha waddled in.  
''is this mcdonalds?''  
''yes it is lawl''  
''can i have a cat burger''  
''yeh ok *snigger snigger*''  
Litfur picked up danktail, and threw her into the dogs mouth.  
''FOK :(''  
''ew this sucks im gonna sue you''  
the chihauha spat danktail out, and waffled away into the moonlight.  
''how dair yu thro me ina chihauhas mouth''  
''lul''

soon dawn broke, and while smintface was trying to fix it, danktail and litfur went in search of shitkit, the gnomechildclan drug dealer.  
''yo shitkit you got me sum drugs m8.''  
''yeh ok 1 minute of belly rubs per pound''  
''mk''  
after creepily rubbing shitkits belly for seven hours, danktail and litkit went to a secluded spot to shoot up their drugs. after a brief sword fight with the needles, they came into effect.  
''woah shit dude a unicycle with 734 wheels is gonna eat my ass...''  
''ill get the... the.. ketch..ketchup.''  
''mmm dont forget seaosning ururghghnh''  
''yo bro why are we sitting on a nice person...''  
''oh sorry (insert nice reviewer here) i didn't see yu dere...''  
they floated up into the pink clouds, and played with the icecreams. till eventually they came to their senses, upside down, in a microwave, in a tree, in a lorry, on the A3, with 48 other cats in their box.  
''yo guys whassup''  
''ur dreaming u fat cunt''  
''well shit''  
and them they woke up, in the gnomechildclan camp. as the blurriness left danktails eyes, she saw that smintface had fixed dawn, and that she was sitting on the smeg fridge.  
''hey cloudloud, what happened''  
''idfk i was eating a courget''  
''mk''  
''with bushfork :)''  
danktail shuffled away, and waffled along to the elders den for a story.  
''HEY GUYS I WANNA STORY''  
''yeh ok wut about''  
''ANYTHING''  
''MK SO ONE DAY A SOMEONE SAID ''ICE CREAM'' AND THEN SOMEONE WHO CALLED THEMSELVES ''TUMBLRFACE'' RAN UP TO HIM AND SAID 'WUT DID YU SAY?' AND THEN SOMEONE SAID 'I LOVE ICECREAM AS A SNACK' AND THEN TUMBLRFACE SAID 'UR WRONG, ICECREAM IS A GENDER' AND THEN THEY HAD AN AWESOME BATTLE THE END''  
''THAT WAS SHIT U FAT CUNT''  
''WELL FUK YU''  
''IM GONNA SUE YU''  
''WELL, SUE YOU LATER!''  
''OMFG WHY''  
''BECAUSE DAD JOKES ;)''  
and then litfur pancaked along  
''hey danktail u wanna go be on a patrol'''  
''yeh ok''  
''we gonna be doing the tumblrclan border mkayyy''  
they went to the border and walked about till they came across a tumblrclan patrol  
''hai dere''  
''aylo''  
''wutcha doin' wiv ur bros?''  
''DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY GENDER?!''  
''no man i was just-''  
''HOW DARE YOU ASSUME MY GENDER!''  
''jeez alright i get it''  
''DID YOU JUST ASSU- O WAIT''  
''typical tumblrclan''  
and they waffled away into the sunset. soon it was time for a gathering. spongecorn, assface, faceface, mudbutt, fatcunt, litfur, danktail, fartflower, senpaiface, and dabfur were chosen. they sat in the gathering island waiting for tumblrclan, microwaveclan, and datboiclan. soon microwaveclan arrived, but no sign of tumblrclan or datboiclan.  
''hey unicycletail, wuts the holdup wiv tumblrclan and datboiclan?''  
''i just got a text, they're stuck in traffic apparently''  
''ah ffs at this rate spoonclan are gonna be angry and spank us again ;^;''  
''ye how do they even do that''  
''idfk''  
''why r u called unicycletail anyway''  
''it's a dark secret''  
''mk''  
after an hour, datboiclan and tumblrclan arrived, and the stupidest gathering there ever was began.

 **oooooo cliffhangerular substance. yey. pls gimme reviews because im lonely. please :(**


	4. The Endening

**Hi guys, I'm back after a giant hiatus. This will be the last chapter of this pile of shit, but i** ** _MIGHT_** **make a spin-off someday. But for now, it's done. Enjoy. Or whatever.**

''OK SO TODAY I WAS POOPING WHEN A SQUIRREL CAME ALONG AND ACCIDENTLY RAN UP MY ASS SO IF IT COMES OUT WHILE WE'RE HERE DON'T FREAK.'' bdsmstar of tumblrclan began  
''OK THANKS FOR TEH WARNIN'' yawled unicycletail from the portapotty.  
''CUNTSTAR, I BELIV ITS UR TURN TO TELL US UR SECRETS?'' keemstar inuqired with a complimentary dab.  
''k so us being microwaveclan we were doin our thing when someone accidently turned the microwave on and now its cooking our... stuff so if u see a mushroom cloud don't be alarmed.''  
''this is a weird gathering.'' mountainbelly yowled fifty feet above from atop her giant belly.  
''SHUT UP'' shutup nudged her, then told his apprentice pawpawpawpawpawpaw to do the same. datboiclan was weird, reflected danktail as pawpawpawpawpawpaw pulled a goat out of his ear and ate it. it was keemstar's turn now.  
''K SO WE HAVE NEW WARRIORS TO AID OUR SOON TO BE WORLD CONQUEST, SO THATS NICE. AND THATS IT WE HAVE SUCH A BORIN LIFE FFS.''  
''HOW ITS MINE TURN AAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA FROGS!'' beanstar of datboiclan was the final announcer.  
''TODAY AFTER MANY MINUTES OF SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH, WE HAVE CONCLUDED THAT THE OTHER CLANS ARE DOOFUSES.''  
''U LISTEN UP HERE U CUSTARD CREAM'' began bdsmstar  
''IM NOT TAKING UR SHIT NO MORE BEANSTAR!1!1/!'' said cuntstar at the same time.  
''ladies... ladies!'' keemstar yowled through the storm of biscuit related insults.  
bdsmstar freaked tf out.  
''DID U JUST ASSUME MY GENDER U TRANSPHOBE UNWOKEN PIGLET SHIT?''  
and cuntstar and beanstar furiously insulted keemstar.  
''WHY ARE YALL SO IMMATURE I HOPE U DROP UR COOKIE''  
the gathering fell to silence. the shock was almost physical. a mouse farted, the squeaky, staccato, soprano buttleak bouncing around the clearing. suddenly the coulds opened, a yellow bus fell out. the clans screamed. SPOONCLAN WAS AMONG THEM!  
''HOW DARE YOU USE THE INSULT, BANNED FROM USE BY US, YOUR ANCESTORS? U HAVE COMMITTED AN ANUS CRIME.''  
''w8 w8 w8 why is i hope u drop ur cookie banned?''  
''cause it's soul crushing savageness has caused billions of suicides.''  
''well shit.''  
spoonclan took out a giant spoon.  
''COME FORTH! YOUR PUNISHMENT IS NY!''  
''o ok.''  
keemstar waddled up. a fat, green cat wielded the giant spoon. grabbing keemstar, he smacked the spoon against his ass. at first keemstar cried out, but after forty three swipes, he began yelling  
''SPANK ME DADDY! I LOVE WHEN I GET SPANKED OH YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHH! OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH YEEYEYEYYEYEY''  
the green cat dropped keemstar immediately.  
''wtf is wrong with u. U DO NOT DESERVE TO BE IN THIS WORLD U SCUM.'' the green cat opened up a portal and threw keemstar into it.  
''k this is very interesting but i gotta go fuck the microwave again bai'' cuntstar started to leave.  
''AND YU, U LITTLE SHIT, FUCK MICROWAVES, AMM I CORRECT U BUTTBISCUIT?''  
''uh well yeah i guess kinda''  
''COME HERE U FART''  
''jeez dunt be so rood ima cat being too''  
the fat green cat pulled a microwave out of his bellybutton.  
''woah dude i cant do it in front of everyone u perv''  
''GET IN IT''  
''u wot''  
''GET UR ASS IN IT BEFORE I SODOMIZE YOU WITH IT.''  
cuntstar crawled into the microwave. the green cat shut the lid and threw it into the portal with keemstar.  
''SO FAR I HAVE LEARNED THE 2 OF YOUR LEADERS ARE FUKIN WEIRD. BDSMSTAR, BEANSTAR, CMERE''  
''ye?''  
''wut''  
''BDSMSTAR, WHAT DO YOU DO IN UR SPAIR TIM?''  
''um, bdsm with poptarts and yelling at transphobes who DARE TO ASSUME MY GENDER!''  
''WHAT THE FUCK INTO THE PORTAL U GO''  
using a pair of sterilized tongs, the fat green cat picked up bdsmstar and threw him into the portal, and burned the the tongs.  
''AND U, BEANSTAR, WHAT DO U DO IN UR SPAIR TIM?''  
''...hmmm...''  
suddenly beanstar became very long and green, and sat atop a unicycle.  
''U JUST GOT DAT BEANED!''  
fat green cat vomitted, and threw him in the portal. now all the leaders were gone. danktail looked at litfur, and said  
''if i had to this all again, i would've just stayed in fartflowers v****a.''

after the events of this story, danktail decided that gnomechildclan was too twisted for her, so she changed her name to thistle and left to settle near a lake, and created how own, normal, group...

no one ever found out what happened to keemstar, cuntstar, beanstar and bdsmstar.

nor did they ever find fartflower's lost kit, the one that was shot off into the distance.

and the four clans continued to live, till someone discovered anime and then when they finished every anime on the planet they committed seppuku.


End file.
